he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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