I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
