So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize