some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
