I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
