dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
