I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
