He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
