hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
