It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
