i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
