I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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