when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
