Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
