Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
