Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
