I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
