Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
