y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
