i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
