Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize