I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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