Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
that's an acceptable place to lick
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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