thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
