Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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