I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
