yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
