And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
