we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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