where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We had sex on a dog bed..
Everclear isn't food dammit
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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