You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
