stop calling my apartment porn island.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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