u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
