I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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