i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
