God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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