Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize