I feel great
I just peed on a car
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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