Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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