How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Acid is not a monday night drug
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
