I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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