Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Drunk is not a location!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
