oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
