I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
