hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So squirting runs in the family.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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