I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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