i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
