He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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