i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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