Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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