I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
