Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He did a backflip because drugs
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
