A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
