It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
