I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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