Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
