well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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