am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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