I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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