id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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