he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
