so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
