after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
