You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
