The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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