I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
