Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize