my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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