conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
