my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
