bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
