i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
