Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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