how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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