saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
