Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The uberlube is also flammable
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
