She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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