the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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