I want to stick my p in your. b.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
