Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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