I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
