Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
