Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
