you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
