I cockslap morals
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
