I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
