38 yer olds are good kisserssss
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
