i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
