If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
