I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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