are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
