He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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