Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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