Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
