I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
