So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
