When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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